Chellisms

Teaching and Judgment

There is no easy way to write this post without possibly offending some people. I can always fall back on the "my domain, my soapbox" line but this time I think I'll go a different route and use the "this one has me stumped" route.

I try not to pass judgment on other parents on the way that they choose to raise their children. After all, kids don't come with manuals. For the most part we all do our best, give it our all and are constantly changing our techniques and learning from our kids.

This afternoon I found myself in a conversation with another kindergarten parent. It came up that this parent had a hard time sending their child to the public school because they had noticed a set or two of lesbian parents at a school function last year. This family is fairly religious in their beliefs. This parent said they are just not okay with it and don't really want to subject their child to it. This parent went on to tell me that they couldn't be friends with a homosexual person, it just isn't right.   

This is where I became wonderfully subtle and interjected that we have a few gay friends and that it really isn't a big deal with the girls. Yes, questions pop up but I am pretty certain that is natural, we answer them and it is no big deal. Tim and I have had our fair share of questions as well, and we asked them. I will admit to not understanding how you know you are gay, I mean I assume its the same way you realize you are first attracted to anyone but I was still curious.

I am not sure if this parent is frightened of it rubbing off on their child or what and I am trying very hard not to judge. To each his own beliefs and values. You do what works for your family, I get that. But...

Shouldn't we be teaching our kids tolerance? And acceptance? And that to be homosexual isn't wrong, it just is what it is.   

Revelations, Part 2

I am not sure where to start with this one. Somehow the religion revelation was easier to write.

A few months ago I got an e-mail from a friend that was a petition, asking me to sign it or contact my congressman. Basically it explained that there was a bill being discussed in the senate that would make California textbooks include sexual orientation of historical contributors, including gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders. The bill stated that it would also bar negative portrayals of those individuals.

Let me just say that I did not sign my name nor did I contact my congressman. Why not? The petition was against including these individuals in textbooks.

I did not respond to this e-mail in any way. I read it, disagreed and deleted it. I didn't try to change my friends decision or influence her in any way. She feels one way, I feel another. She is as entitled to her opinion as I am mine. I am not sure that I understand her stance on this, and I know she doesn't understand mine.

I think for some, homosexuality is a way of life. Just as for others it is not. Who I am to say what is right or wrong? It isn't a disease that is going to be cured or disappear over time.

This affects our children. Shouldn't we supply them with all of the facts and knowledge and tolerance that we have and let them make their own decisions? Don't we want them to be happy, no matter what?

This is the part where the waters get a little murky for me. I am not entirely comfortable around gay/lesbian couples, but I am not disgusted either. I hate major public displays of affection, doesn't matter if the couple is straight or homosexual, the publicness embarrasses me no matter who is involved.

I have not yet explained to the girls yet that homosexuality exists, but over the next few weeks I will. I haven't even explained sex to them yet, I think I dread that one more.

This post came out very different that I had intended. It sure seems to be a bunch of jumbled thoughts rather than the neat essay I had planned. I am definitely unhappy with the way it turned out, but am publishing it anyway. I can fine tune it later, consider this a rough draft.

Labels: Sexuality

Revelations

I have been mulling over this post since Wednesday. I waited to actually write it until I had a chance to talk to my sounding board, since he came home last night I figure now is as good a time as any to post this.

My first post on Wednesday got a comment that said "there is a god and he is looking out for all of you." It was left as anonymous, but I am fairly sure that I know who anonymous is.

This comment made me stop and think. Have I misrepresented myself? Then I stopped and thought about it a bit more and realized that it is what the writer believes, not me. Astounding that it took me a bit to figure that out. Want to know what really threw me off? It was the God part mixed with the all of you part. Once I saw the G-word I stopped and over analyzed the hell out of the comment.

Getting to the point here, bear with me.

I am an agnostic, as is my husband. While I do not believe in God, per se, I do believe that higher beings may exist. I don't doubt that there was a guy named Jesus Christ who had a wife named Mary. However, I do not believe that he is the end all be all creator of everything. I try not to post "oh, my lord" and "my god" on this page, not that I don't say them. I do say them aloud, as sayings only, and I don't think that that reflects over the Internet when you can't hear my tone.

That being said, I should also let you know that my children are not baptized. Long before we had kids Tim and I decided that we did not want to have our children baptized for one simple reason. What would we have them baptized as? Who are we to decide for them? Whatever they choose is fine by us. If they decide to be Buddhist, Jewish or decide to praise Allah and read the Qur'an that is okay with Tim and I. We want the girls to decide who they are, this is an important decision that they need to make for themselves. We do explain different religions to them. I have no problem taking them to a Jewish Temple if they want to experience that.

I have a feeling that I may have offended a few of you with this post, and even lost a friendship or two. That was not my intent, I am setting the record straight. I don't look down on you for your beliefs, give my family the same courtesy.

This one was a doozy to write, but I do feel better that it is off my chest. Come back next Friday, I have another revelation that might cost me a few more friends.

Labels: Religion