This summer has gone by so fast. The days are filled with soccer balls and ballet slippers and juggling and arabesques and at the same time they are filled with waiting and nothing.
It has left me unsettled.
The girls have have surely kept me busy. Practice and dance every night. Fridays are our only down day together and maybe a weekend, fingers crossed. They love it. Sure, they complain about having to sit at each others practices and performances but they are also the first one to offer congratulations on a goal scored or a beautiful pirouette. The first one to check on a bloody knee on a blistered foot. They are wrapped up in themselves this summer.
Tim is wrapped up in work. Keep pushing, keep grinding. Yes, his schedule is two to eleven and Friday and Saturday off, but of course he can come in whenever that meeting is scheduled. You need him to work an hour late, sure, no problem. In the days of a recession and lay offs you do what you have to when your company starts trimming. You continue to work your hardest and be more accommodating. I don't complain, the benefits are great and he does like his job.
What am I left to do while they are wrapped up, seemingly in their own lives? I don't have my own life outside theirs. I haven't figured mine out yet. Maybe I should have by now. Is there a set time frame that I am unaware of? An expiration date, a do not pass go? Will someone make me start over?
At what point does this non-life of mine become a failure? I have not failed in raising my girls. My husband is my best friend, is that not a success?
At what juncture do I do something for me? Instead of making everyone else happy when do I get to choose?
Maybe if someone could help me point out what it is that I want?
Unsettled...
